Merry Christmas one and all! It’s fabulous to be posting (A day early, because there’s no way I’d manage this on Christmas day!) so close to Christmas and I did think about writing a festive post…but then something else cropped up, so I decided to do that instead!
Jen Ruiz of http://www.EliteDaily.com wrote an article recently called ‘9 Things Chivalrous Men Do, That Make Women Melt’ and it got me thinking about chivalry. Jen’s 9 items were:
1. Opening Doors
2. Saving the last bite of food
3. Spending time with your family
4. Suffering through a girly movie
5. Sending flowers
6. Walking on the outside of the sidewalk
7. Filling up your petrol tank
8. Helping you put your coat on
9. Kissing your forehead
Some of these surprised me. Yes, it’s nice when a man opens doors for you and let’s you go through first, but I always got taught growing up that it was a polite thing to do for anyone, opening doors for people. I’m always looking behind me too, to see if I need to hold the door for someone, even if they’re a few metres away and it means I have to stand there and wait. If they’re coming and they’re gonna need that door and I’m in the doorway, then I will stand and wait and hold it open for them!
Saving the last bite of food? I’m sorry, but the last thing I’d want would be his last bite of food. He might have done something to it. Smothered it in a sauce I don’t like, or it might be cold. Unless it was an expensive set of chocolates, individually wrapped, or his last Rolo…
Spending time with my family? Well, yes, that’s lovely, but isn’t that politeness and being PART OF A FAMILY? I spend time with HIS family, does that make me chivalrous?
Suffering through a girly movie? This got my feminist hackles up. What exactly is a ‘girly’ movie? I’m a girl, and I like Star Trek, science fiction and Alien V Predator movies. Is Ruiz assuming that because I’m a girl, I must like chick-lit, light and fluffy movies that just focus on love stories? I like those too, but if I had a choice between Sleepless in Seattle and an Alien movie, then you can bet your bottom dollar that I’ll come down on the side of the xenomorphs with acid for blood. And suffering through it? I sit and suffer my way through Storage Hunters…
Sending flowers. I do like flowers. But I’d prefer to receive a single flower than a bouquet. A bouquet of flowers, to me, means he’s done something wrong, or he wants something. Growing up, my dad only bought my mum flowers when he was saying sorry after a blazing row or he’d done something so momentously stupid I can only associate a bouquet with a man in the dog house. A single flower, beautifully wrapped,means so much more.
Walking on the outside of the pavement? The first time my husband did this, I asked him what he was doing, when he deliberately switched places with me and took my hand. When he explained it would be so he got hit by the car BEFORE me, I thought he was just crazy, but as he did it more and more, I began to think about how sweet this was. Even after nearly two decades, he still does this.
Filling up your petrol tank. Erm, no. I don’t find this chivalrous, or romantic. Sorry. It’s a practical thing that I can totally take care of and it gives me an excuse to have ten minutes peace and quiet whilst I go and do it myself.
Helping you put your coat on. I do like this gesture. I also like when we’re walking places and he puts his hand in the small of my back to help ‘guide’ me. I don’t know why. I just feel…protected. And a man that will stand up, just because I stand up from the table? Oh, be still my beating heart!!!
Kissing your forehead. Hmm, at the beginning of a relationship if a guy kissed my forehead, I’d feel a bit put out, but two decades in? I quite like it. It’s sweet.
So what do you think? Does chivalry make you melt? Is it old fashioned? How much chivalry do you put in your stories? What do you consider to be gentlemanly actions? Does chivalry still exist or are men stuck in this limbo land where they are afraid to be chivalrous in case it is misconstrued as looking upon women as weak and feeble creatures? Personally, I love a gentleman. A man who makes the small gestures to show that he respects and values you as a lady is a true prize and a rare treat.
Thankfully, I’m married to mine! My husband knows never to buy me roses (I prefer tulips), always makes sure I have chocolate and looks after me when I need him to. The small gestures, like telling me there’s a book sale in Waterstones, or buying me surprise bits of fabric off of eBay, will always work.
In January, my first book, The Baby That Changed Her Life comes out and my hero, Lucas, truly is a gentleman. I hope you love him as much as I do.
I’d love to hear your views.
Have a great Christmas, everyone!